Navigating the Holidays with a Newborn: Setting Boundaries, Managing Expectations, and Protecting Your Wellbeing

The holidays can bring about a unique sense of pressure for new parents. On top of the already busy time of year, being in the thick of postpartum recovery adds another layer of stress. You're managing familial and societal expectations for holiday gatherings, all while being sleep deprived and navigating new routines. By setting boundaries, managing expectations, and prioritizing your mental health, it's possible to ease the busyness of the holiday season with a newborn.

Setting Healthy Boundaries During the Holiday Season

One of the most supportive things you can do during this season is to get clear on what you need, and to communicate these needs confidently and compassionately. The first step to setting boundaries is understanding what boundaries you need in the first place. Common themes include visiting hours, physical contact with the baby (like holding, kissing, giving them a bottle, etc.), scheduling, and privacy. You know yourself and your baby best, so think about what you feel most comfortable with. Whether you feel eager to introduce your baby to loved ones or you’re not emotionally or physically ready for holiday gatherings, both experiences are valid. Allow yourself to honor where you are without judgment.

Once you've decided what your boundaries are, the next step is to communicate them. It may be helpful to come up with some "scripts" you can use, either in person or via text, to let your loved ones know what your boundaries are. Here are a few examples for how you can kindly yet directly say "no", "not yet," or offer an alternative to some common holiday requests:

"My partner and I have decided that we are the only ones who will be holding and feeding the baby at Thanksgiving."

"Thank you so much for inviting us to your New Year's Eve party! We're keeping the holidays low-key this year with the baby, so we won't be able to make it. We can't wait for you to meet him; are you free for lunch next Saturday?"

"After careful consideration, we've decided to spend Christmas at home this year. We will really miss everyone, and are looking forward to next year when the baby is a little older and we feel more comfortable bringing her on an airplane."

It's also worth noting that boundaries and guilt often go hand in hand. Worries about disappointing family, sadness about not seeing them, or internalized pressure to "do it all" can all contribute to a sense of guilt. If you notice that you're feeling guilty, remind yourself that setting boundaries is an act of self-care for you and your baby. Treat yourself with kindness, and acknowledge that you're doing the best you can during a hard season.

Managing Expectations During the Holidays with a Newborn

You can love your baby and be so excited for their first holiday season, while simultaneously missing what the holidays looked like for you pre-baby. It's okay to feel a sense of grief if you can't travel, host, or cook. Coming up with new or modified traditions that you can realistically engage in can help you participate in the holidays without burning yourself out. Give yourself permission to simplify and slow-down - use a store-bought pie crust, leave the party early, or buy a new holiday outfit that fits your postpartum body. Release the pressure for the picture-perfect holiday, and allow yourself to focus on time with your family in the way that feels right for you.

Protecting Your Mental Health During the Holidays

With all of the hustle and bustle at this time of year, it can be easy to let your own needs fall by the wayside. When it feels particularly challenging to take time for yourself, that's often when you need it the most. Some signs you might be doing too much and need a break include irritability, anxiety, loss of interest in spending time with loved ones, tearfulness, and changes in sleep and appetite.

Practical, tangible things you can do to protect your mental health include scheduling breaks, going outside (even when it's cold, just a few minutes can do wonders for your mental health) asking for help, and prioritizing sleep. Caring for your mental health goes beyond these things, and also includes how you think and talk to yourself. Acknowledge any thoughts that feel unhelpful or critical, remind yourself that you're doing your best in the midst of a big change, and speak to yourself with kindness.

Wherever you find yourself this holiday season, remember that your needs matter. By slowing down, honoring your limits, and asking for help when you need it, you’re caring not only for yourself—but for your baby too.

The holidays are a stressful time of year for many, and it's okay to reach out for support if you need it. If you're looking for postpartum therapy in Boston, MA, I am currently accepting new clients and would love to be part of your support system. Reach out to schedule a complimentary 15-minute intro call to learn more about how we can work together.

Disclaimer: The content provided on this blog is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional therapy, diagnosis, or treatment. Reading this blog does not establish a therapeutic relationship. If you are in need of mental health support, please seek help from a licensed mental health professional.