Anxiety While Trying to Conceive: Why TTC Can Feel So Overwhelming

For many people, the process of trying to conceive (TTC for short), can introduce a new level of anxiety. You might have imagined this season as one of hope and excitement, but instead you find yourself meticulously tracking your cycle, over-analyzing every symptom, and getting caught in a spiral of "what-if" thoughts. You can deeply want to grow your family, and feel scared about how that process will unfold. While common, anxiety while TTC is often carried quietly. If you're TTC and feeling overwhelmed, know that you're not alone, and there are steps you can take to address this anxiety.

Why Anxiety While Trying to Conceive is So Common

Loss of control, discomfort with waiting, and worries about the future can all contribute to a sense of anxiety while trying to get pregnant. Conception cannot be forced, and for many high-achieving, goal-driven women, it can feel particularly stressful to work toward something and still not be able to determine the outcome. For some, anxiety can peak during the two week wait (the roughly two-week period between ovulation and menstruation), as there can be an over-analyzing of physical symptoms and hyper-vigilance while waiting to take a pregnancy test. Furthermore, comparisons to others, worries about whether or not one can get pregnant, and concerns about risks, such as maternal age or the possibility of pregnancy loss, can all lead to an increase in catastrophic thinking. Women with a history of pregnancy loss, or who currently have anxiety, are at an increased risk of experiencing anxiety while TTC.

How to Cope with TTC Anxiety

When you'r experiencing anxiety while TTC, the goal is not to eliminate anxiety completely. Getting pregnant matters to you; of course your mind will try to protect you and prepare you. The work is in leaning how to relate to anxiety differently, so it doesn't run the show. As a perinatal mental health counselor, I specialize in working with women who experience anxiety throughout the perinatal period, from fertility through postpartum. Below are evidence-based strategies that I often recommend to my clients.

Notice What Triggers Anxiety and Plan Accordingly

Noticing what exactly triggers your anxiety can help you cope with it. For example, if there are certain social media accounts that talk about infertility or difficulty TTC, perhaps you mute those accounts. If you feel most anxious during the two-week wait, plan something to look forward to, like a yoga class, dinner reservations with a friend, or a movie night with your partner.

As you notice what makes you anxious, notice, too, how the anxiety shows up for you. Is your mind racing? Do you replay scenarios over and over again in your head? Are you constantly checking fertility apps? Is your body tense? Noticing the ways anxiety manifests can help you determine the best way to intervene, whether that's through cognitive strategies or more somatic, nervous-system based ways of addressing it.

Cognitive Defusion

Cognitive Defusion is a strategy from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. In simple terms, when an anxious thought comes into your mind, it's easy to get hooked to that thought and let the anxiety take control. When we practice cognitive defusion, we can separate ourselves from the thought, thereby reducing its power.

For example, if you think, "I'm never going to get pregnant," shift this to, "I'm noticing the thought, 'I'm never going to get pregnant.'". By labeling this as a thought, you're recognizing that in this moment, this is just a thought. You're not trying to convince yourself if this is true or not, you're simply acknowledging that this is what your mind is telling you. This creates a sense of distance between you and the thought, which promotes psychological flexibility.

Values-Based Living While TTC

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy also encourages making decisions and taking actions that are in alignment with core values. Consider the following:

• How do I want to show up in my relationships in this season of waiting?

• What else matters to me right now?

• What does this anxiety show me about what I really value in life?

Use the answers to these questions to guide how you make decisions in other areas outside of trying to conceive. It can be easy to let trying to conceive take over every aspect of your life. Values-based living gives you permission to continue to engage fully in the life you already live. You can work toward starting or growing your family while still giving yourself permission to travel, spend time with loved ones, or engage in hobbies.

Grounding and Nervous System Regulation

Anxiety often presents as physical symptoms, such as difficulty sleeping, increased heart rate, and muscle tension. Finding ways to calm your body can be just as important as calming your mind when coping with anxiety. The next time you notice your mind is racing, tune into your body and notice how your body is responding to the stress as well. Here are some of my go-to techniques for grounding:

• Box Breathing

  • Inhale slowly through your nose for 4 counts

  • Hold your breath for 4 counts

  • Exhale slowly through your mouth for 4 counts

  • Hold your breath again for 4 counts

  • Repeat for one minute, or as long as you have time for.

• Clench and Release

  • Squeeze one hand into a fist as tight as you can, to the point in which it feels slightly uncomfortable but not painful. Hold, then switch hands, and again, squeeze to the point of slight discomfort but not pain. Continue to switch back and forth, squeezing and releasing. Repeat until you notice a shift in how your body feels.

• Cold water

  • If you tend to feel warm when you're anxious, water can help you physically and emotionally cool down. Take a few sips of cold water, splash some cold water on your face, or use a cold compress on the back of your neck, wrists, or forehead. This can be especially effective during panic attacks.

  
  

Practicing deep breathing, muscle relaxation, or other ways of regulating your nervous system won't make the anxiety go away. But, with time and consistency, they may help you feel more calm and confident as you navigate the stress of TTC.

Final Thoughts

Trying to conceive can stir up hope, grief, urgency, and fear — often all at once. If anxiety has started to take up more space than you’d like, you don’t have to figure out how to manage it alone. If you're looking for a perinatal mental health therapist in Boston, MA, I am currently accepting new clients and would love to be part of your support system while you're trying to conceive. Reach out to schedule a complimentary 15-minute intro call to learn more about how we can work together.

Disclaimer: The content provided on this blog is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional therapy, diagnosis, or treatment. Reading this blog does not establish a therapeutic relationship. If you are in need of mental health support, please seek help from a licensed mental health professional.